It's hard to admit that one is addicted to anything especially to something as peculiar as pornography. I guess there's a bit of a voyeur in a lot of us. There is in me. For over a year I had not cared at all about wasting time jacking off in front of my PC with the hottest pics of men in complete undress. For whatever reason I now spend time looking for nude photos of men in order to jack off with the images in front of me. I no longer get too aroused by pictures of nude men alone. They have to be having sex with each other in order for the picture to be worth saving in my Red folder.
After I've jacked off I sometimes think that it would save time next time to not delete the nude contents of my Red folder. But then I find that the guilt associated with keeping my Red folder full of gay porn makes me uncomfortable when I pray or read the bible. Yes, I am a man who is both gay but Christian.
I rarely go searching for real live sex with other men. If it finds me accidentally, like in the men's room at a fast food restaurant where I had gone to wash my hands before I ate, then it is what it is and I enjoy the oddness of interacting with a real live person instead of images on my PC monitor. At other times, I've been walking at sunset in my community and a shirtless gay man will say hello and ask if I want to have sex. I accept his invitation--which doesn't happ
en very often, maybe three times a year--and I have sex with him since the next incidental opportunity to have sex with another guy won't be around the corner with any regularity.I read my bible and pray daily that God will help me to lose interest in gay porn especially since it takes so much of my time. Images of gay porn intrude on my life at random moments, as well as in dreams and sometimes I dislike the fact that I have become obsessed with gay porn. The only good thing I can say about jacking off to gay porn is that my orgasm's are more intense since I stimulate myself for a longer period of time.
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