Gay Christian Male and Temptation

Something is not quite typical about the mostly nude or sex-oriented posts that appear from time to time on this blog. With all respect to gay or bisexual men who are not Christian or religious, this blog would be more in sync with a secular or humanist individual because of its obsession and, at times, naturalness regarding nudity and sex. It stretches belief to realize that I am obsessed with reading the Bible and praying daily two or three times a day, as well. My most tender moments are of God and spiritual themes.

There have been times when I've not given myself pleasure for weeks, if you can believe it. It surprised me that I could be so disciplined. I'm not sure what brought that about. It wasn't lack of ability, but rather, something unseen or unexplainable. I can't be sure it was all of a spiritual nature. It simply was that I chose not to masturbate.

In addition, for two or three weeks now I purposely stay away from instant gay dating sites which hook you up with a variety of men. I've even met guys younger than myself by 10 or 15 years. That surprised me though I never told them my age. But ultimately, sites like that lead to more complications than is worth the bother.

So what happens now? I think it's healthy, in part, not to be ashamed of my nude body even though it still needs work, but both my physique and myself are works in progress. I am still evolving and becoming better and better even as I experience each passing year. It's better to be alive, though not as young as I used to be, than not to be alive at all. For that I am grateful.

At the local Starbucks I am starting to get positive comments from guys that are younger and more buff than I am, as well as previous acquaintances that approve of my gradual evolution into a different, improved model.

Nevertheless, I am still searching for a solution to the dichotomy of my life which features episodes of darkness and light and sometimes the half-light that is closer to the human condition and experience.

Whether you are struggling with any of the episodes I document in this blog or other challenges, never give up. Remember:

Darkness lightness. The night lasts only a few hours. Light, perhaps redefined, will come again into my life and into yours, as well.